I'm only gunna break your heart.

Much earlier today I was on my way home from St. Cloud. I had talked to my advisor, submitted necessary papers to the appeal office and stocked up on powdered sugar donuts and orange crush. (I didn't have breakfast this morning man!) It was time to go home. The sun was shining. The birds were chirping. The squirrels were roaming about campus. Two ducks crossed my path by Centennial Hall. It's summer man. There's nothing better than taking a long drive down a almost-country road. Though, I would prefer that the road was not highway 95. Because highway 95 sucks. There's usually always some annoying drivers and ridiculous trucks. And one thing about 95, it's almost impossible to pass those bastards. See, I have road rage, even when not on the road. Going 50 in a 55 annoys the hell out of me. If you're not going to speed then at least do the bloody speed limit people! Seriously, if I was driving, i'd be doing at least 65. But anyway, it felt amazing to sip orange pop and listen to secular pop music on the radio. Usually I deem pop music as trash. Except for when it isn't. And a lot of trashy music came on, and Emily and I laughed at the dumb lyrics and the fact that these singers are making millions of dollars for singing vowels. Seriously, Rihanna has two songs where that's basically all she's doing. In "Umbrella" the whole long spiel where she sings the letter a. Over and over again. Very catchy, but i'm betting most everyone can do that. And then again in one of her newer songs collaborated with T.I and based on the popular "Numa Numa" song (again it's just vowels) is, "Live your Life" where again, the chorus is made up of mostly singing the letter A. Anyone sounds good singing that. My mom sounds good singing that. And that's saying a lot here people!
Emily, Molly and I have "a song" which we crank up on the radio whenever it's playing, jam out and sing at the top of our lungs. That song came on the radio today, and what song is that you might ask? Um...it's "Break Your Heart" by Taio Cruz and Ludacris. *Blush* Yes, it is a godawful song. And yes, I really don't know the words other than the chorus. And yes, it has an awful message. But something about singing "i'm only gunna break break break break your heart!" in a really upbeat way, really loudly is kind of fun. Okay, a lot of fun. It's kinda funny that I even like that song, well, I mainly like the chorus, but it talks about guys breaking girls hearts. Meh. Not exactly cheerful, but the tune is pretty catchy. Listen for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8gjZldgpXY

So yes, singing those songs really loudly, sipping orange pop, and driving on a long road on a hot summer day = amazing.

Too bad i'm now home. Gah. Total countdown until i'm gone again is 2 weeks! And hey! I get my car back in a week! Hallelujah. I miss my baby.

Beautiful Ending

In all my past blogs I wind up posting a lot of song lyrics that I find particularly awesome or pertain to myself in some way. This morning "Beautiful Ending" by Barlowgirl has been playing on my itunes. It's currently on repeat. If you just read the words it sounds a lot like how my prayers are right now. The part that gets to me the most is in the first verse, "And it scares me to think that I would choose my life over you, oh, my selfish heart, it divides me from you and it tears us apart."

Currently i'm struggling a lot with not doing devo's or spending any sort of time with God. And it's effected me a lot. It effects how I am treating people, my attitude, my school work and pretty much just everything. And the scary thing is, is that for a while I just thought it was okay. I still went to CRU and Bible Study and Vespers. I'm still a Christian. I'm just not really doing much to grow deeper in my faith. I had reached a comfortable level and was not willing to step out of that level that I was at. And it killed. Because all the while God was tugging at my heart saying that the race isn't finished yet, and regardless of all the hurts and worries I still had to keep pressing forward. But I didn't. I just thought I could take a break for a while. But that's not God's plan for my life.

Verse two has a really touching line, "Oh why do I let myself let go of hands that painted the stars and holds tears that fall? And the pride of my heart makes me forget that it's not me but you that makes the heart beat, i'm lost without you and dying from me."

That line really got a hold of me because I have become prideful, and it's wrong. I did let go of God's hand. But what's beautiful about that is that even though I let go, I still haven't left God's hand. I can only go so far down before being tugged back. And I think that sometimes God allows you to fall into the pit so you realize just how much you really do need Him in your life, and it builds character and when you've struggled and you've felt the hurt that it brings about, you're able to cope with it and possibly help someone else. So no matter what God will use it. God's love is amazing and it's beautiful and at the end of it all, I just wanna be in His arms.

Beautiful Ending- Barlowgirl

Oh, tragedy
Has taken so many
Love lost cause they all
Forgot who You were
And it scares me to think
That I would choose
My life over You
Oh, my selfish heart
Divides me from You
It tears us apart

So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?

Oh, why do I
Let myself let go
Of Hands that painted the stars
And hold tears that fall?
And the pride of my heart
Makes me forget
It's not me but You
Who makes the heart beat
I'm lost without You
And dying from me

So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?

Will my life
Find me by Your side?
Your love is beautiful
So beautiful

At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms

So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?
Will my life
Find me by Your side?
'Cause Your love is beautiful
So beautiful


P.S It is "Tell Her She's Beautiful Day," an event that I joined on facebook. Basically, today is a day where you just go tell women that they are beautiful because they never hear it enough and with the way the media is and everything else, women and girls honestly don't believe it. So to all the ladies who might be reading this, so far I just know of Alicia, you're beautiful! <3

Awake and Alive

This song has been playing in my head and on my itunes all day. :P The lyrics pretty much speak to me right now.

Awake and Alive- Skillet

V1
I’m at war with the world and they
Try to pull me into the dark
I struggle to find my faith
As I’m slippin’ from your arms

It’s getting harder to stay awake
And my strength is fading fast
You breathe into me at last

Chorus
I’m awake I’m alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it’s my time
I’ll do what I want ’cause this is my life
here, right now
I’ll stand my ground and never back down
I know what I believe inside
I’m awake and I’m alive

V2
I’m at war with the world cause I
Ain’t never gonna sell my soul
I’ve already made up my mind
No matter what I can’t be bought or sold

When my faith is getting weak
And I feel like giving in
You breathe into me again

Bridge
Waking up waking up

In the dark
I can feel you in my sleep
In your arms I feel you breathe into me
Forever hold this heart that I will give to you
Forever I will live for you.

World's Apart

Today during my Bible Study time with Shoemaker girls we listened to a song by Jars of Clay. It kinda hit me in a couple of spots. We had the lyrics in front of us and listened to the song.

Here are the lyrics...

"Worlds Apart"

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart


I really like the lyrics to that song, I like how it talks about being prideful and how we are forgetting the cost of sin. Anyway, it's just a great song!

In other news, I had a wonderful day! I went to my classes and then hung out with Molly and then Molly and Emily before Bible Study and we might all be living together next year in Stateview. And just time spent with Molly was amazing. God is good. :)