Beautiful Ending

In all my past blogs I wind up posting a lot of song lyrics that I find particularly awesome or pertain to myself in some way. This morning "Beautiful Ending" by Barlowgirl has been playing on my itunes. It's currently on repeat. If you just read the words it sounds a lot like how my prayers are right now. The part that gets to me the most is in the first verse, "And it scares me to think that I would choose my life over you, oh, my selfish heart, it divides me from you and it tears us apart."

Currently i'm struggling a lot with not doing devo's or spending any sort of time with God. And it's effected me a lot. It effects how I am treating people, my attitude, my school work and pretty much just everything. And the scary thing is, is that for a while I just thought it was okay. I still went to CRU and Bible Study and Vespers. I'm still a Christian. I'm just not really doing much to grow deeper in my faith. I had reached a comfortable level and was not willing to step out of that level that I was at. And it killed. Because all the while God was tugging at my heart saying that the race isn't finished yet, and regardless of all the hurts and worries I still had to keep pressing forward. But I didn't. I just thought I could take a break for a while. But that's not God's plan for my life.

Verse two has a really touching line, "Oh why do I let myself let go of hands that painted the stars and holds tears that fall? And the pride of my heart makes me forget that it's not me but you that makes the heart beat, i'm lost without you and dying from me."

That line really got a hold of me because I have become prideful, and it's wrong. I did let go of God's hand. But what's beautiful about that is that even though I let go, I still haven't left God's hand. I can only go so far down before being tugged back. And I think that sometimes God allows you to fall into the pit so you realize just how much you really do need Him in your life, and it builds character and when you've struggled and you've felt the hurt that it brings about, you're able to cope with it and possibly help someone else. So no matter what God will use it. God's love is amazing and it's beautiful and at the end of it all, I just wanna be in His arms.

Beautiful Ending- Barlowgirl

Oh, tragedy
Has taken so many
Love lost cause they all
Forgot who You were
And it scares me to think
That I would choose
My life over You
Oh, my selfish heart
Divides me from You
It tears us apart

So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?

Oh, why do I
Let myself let go
Of Hands that painted the stars
And hold tears that fall?
And the pride of my heart
Makes me forget
It's not me but You
Who makes the heart beat
I'm lost without You
And dying from me

So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?

Will my life
Find me by Your side?
Your love is beautiful
So beautiful

At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms
At the end of it all
I wanna be in Your arms

So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?
Will my life
Find me by Your side?
'Cause Your love is beautiful
So beautiful


P.S It is "Tell Her She's Beautiful Day," an event that I joined on facebook. Basically, today is a day where you just go tell women that they are beautiful because they never hear it enough and with the way the media is and everything else, women and girls honestly don't believe it. So to all the ladies who might be reading this, so far I just know of Alicia, you're beautiful! <3

Awake and Alive

This song has been playing in my head and on my itunes all day. :P The lyrics pretty much speak to me right now.

Awake and Alive- Skillet

V1
I’m at war with the world and they
Try to pull me into the dark
I struggle to find my faith
As I’m slippin’ from your arms

It’s getting harder to stay awake
And my strength is fading fast
You breathe into me at last

Chorus
I’m awake I’m alive
Now I know what I believe inside
Now it’s my time
I’ll do what I want ’cause this is my life
here, right now
I’ll stand my ground and never back down
I know what I believe inside
I’m awake and I’m alive

V2
I’m at war with the world cause I
Ain’t never gonna sell my soul
I’ve already made up my mind
No matter what I can’t be bought or sold

When my faith is getting weak
And I feel like giving in
You breathe into me again

Bridge
Waking up waking up

In the dark
I can feel you in my sleep
In your arms I feel you breathe into me
Forever hold this heart that I will give to you
Forever I will live for you.